Insomnia again…please continue with caution.

This is really eating me up (not really, if it was I wouldn’t be typing this). The old man has been super sick for about a month now. He has taken about 9 days off work and been to the Dr. more this month than in our married life. He has been so sick that sex has been just out of the question, I know, sad for me hun!

But tonight was the real kicker…he has just about knocked this sickness and tonight he actually asked for a little. I was stoked and knew that he, well how do you put this delicately? He was going to blow his load about 2 minuets into this cause he has been without forever….

I’ve had to take care of all the business while he has been out of commission so naturally I’ve made sure that every toy has fresh batteries and is in great condition, but, we went camping over the weekend and I took all but one toy with me so I could have a little rest and relaxation, ya know, just what a girl needs after a long work week.

So (knowing the old man), I started up the old trusty glow in the dark bullet

that I had left home. I got all snuggly and such with him and just start to get things warmed up when the thing shuts off.

“What the hell…” I ask. The old man just keeps going to town, and with out missing a beat (literally) I just turn on the light and start a little examination process.

“fresh batteries…check.” Then I see the problem, the little cord that connects the bullet to the multi-speed controller is shorting out. But if you hold the cord to one side the little baby goes to town, so back to the business at hand. We get all cozy and the thing shorts out again, “Damn it…” a little adjustment and she’s humming that sweet tune again.

This goes on for a few minutes and then for some reason the sucker just works like a charm, I’m not complaining about this, but was just thinking in the back of my brain that if can make this thing work for just a few seconds more all will be wonderful, the timing is perfect, he’s right on the verge and I start to feel that shortness of breath leaving my chest, my mouth becomes a little drier, I tip my head back, he holds my hips a little tighter, moving my body just exactly where he needs me… and my most beloved toy…shocks me! Just a little zap, but DAMN it hurt. Luck for me the old man never felt it and he got to finish up. But now, all my toys are at the storage unit locked up in the camp trailer, I’m awake, and there is a glow coming from the trash can that is haunting me. Wicked little bastard…I need to finish up this awkward mess and get some sleep.

How fast do you think California Exotic Novelties can ship something out? Oh…this looks nice! I’ll take one.

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9 thoughts on “Insomnia again…please continue with caution.

  1. OMG! I’ve never heard of anyone getting shocked by their toy before! I’m glad you weren’t hurt but I had to laugh a little – the image in my head of two people just going to town without a care in the world and then a shock! Sorry, but it is kinda funny. I have to stumble this.

  2. Ha! Dude, I once exploded the batteries in mine. And what a coincidence, I just got a new toy myself! I recommend the ‘Frisky Finger’ cause it’s good for both of y’all and it’s not very expensive at all, it was like $40. And it’s strong too, cause those pansy ones with two batteries in it might as well be an electric toothbrush 😛 Happy shopping!

  3. Great post, bad for you. 😦 I’m very sorry to hear you lost your friend, and in such a tragic, unexpected manner. It must have been very shocking, you poor baby. And then that haunting glow…spooky! 😛 I hope your next friend is up to the challenge and can go the distance, again and again and again… 😉 Good luck.

  4. oh, that’s so not good!! i was actually suprised by your sexual prowess in this post. i know you LOVE it of course (what good girl doesn’t?) but i had no idea you had a toy collection too!! girl, i like you more every day!! no wonder we’re BFFS!!

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