If you pray for rain, be prepared to deal with some mud.

Heaven and Hell

A new me? lets just wait and see…


Every year I set myself up for the traditional downfall of resolutions. Why…why do we do this to ourselves? Exercise, diet, quit smoking, spend more time with family, get a better job, whatever it is in your life.

Last year I wanted to loose some weight, adopt or have a baby with my husband, and just flat out be a better person. Oh laugh…it’s ok, I know I screwed that all up. I quit running and dieting (although I did lose some weight, stress will do that!) I not only didn’t add a member to my little family, I decreased the number in half by divorcing the bugger, and did it all by having an affair (look at me Jesus, I am quite a person!) But believe it if you will I actually accomplished a goal that I didn’t even set. I for the first time in a very long time, I made myself happy.

I spent my new years eve at my folks house, and long after they went to bed, I rang in the new year (via skype) with the man dearest to my heart. Baby, I can’t imagine anyone else I would want to remember was the last person I spoke to in 2010 and the first I smiled with in 2011.

I have refused to set any resolutions this year. What is to happen will happen. I just hope that along the way I will get to experience the joys of life. I want to continue to grow (knowledge rather than weight if that is an option). I want to see people around me smile, and I want to laugh and cry and just be human. I still have my goals and aspirations, I just don’t want to set a time limit and feel the regret of losing, and thinking that I will have to wait till next year to be that better person.

I hope that whatever it is that you long for in 2011 will be obtainable. Happy New Year!


Seeing past the looking glass

As I drift into a peaceful slumber a fair amount of things pass randomly in and around my head. I think of family and friends, loved ones far away, work and my career path, and about what my life would be like if I had only chosen a different path.

I know the sequence of events that make up my life rely on the world around us, but ultimately, with each problem, we are given a choice. The person looking back at me in the mirror is the person I have made myself.  Only I hold the power to change me. Only I have the power to get up each morning and say this is who I want to be, or what I want to become. And with that power we have the decision of how we want to stay on the current path or to find another way thru life.

Seeing past the ‘who’ we are right now can be hard. We can spend a whole life time wallowing in the decisions of the past whether they be good or bad.  

I have a very dear friend that is starting to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease. She has lived her life to the fullest every day for the past 80 years. She still works every single day to try and continue to keep her mind clear and sharp. But the world moves too fast sometimes and she gets confused. It breaks my heart to see her get frustrated with ‘who’ she is right now. She wants to be the woman she was before, and she is missing the moments that are current because she worries too much about what she could do before. Her oldest grandson recently had a baby of his own and she won’t spend time with them because she is embarrassed about her ability to remember current things. That small child will never hold a grudge if she forgets his name a time or two. But that baby will never get to know the love of a woman that gives her all everyday unless she can see past the woman in the mirror.

I will be honest; I have had a hard time seeing past the looking glass. I have hidden my goals and dreams away before thinking that I don’t have the power (or sometimes the money) to see anything else. But that is not the way to live…you are the one that writes your own story! If you want the fairytale, go out and get it! Live today the life you want to see for yourself in the future.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” ~Babatunde Olatunji


Roll with us…

green-twitters-fried

Bless this gal’s heart, she has brought me back around to the wordpress world!  Moe with all her confidence in me, has allowed me to add my little bit to one of her entertaining rolling stories. She started it off and them passed the story over to Blondie, and then Widdle Shamrock,  and then to Mistress B, and then on to Cris, and then to Anja, and then to Annie and that is where Evyl picked it up and dropped it off on my door step! And let me tell you…I was a little nervous becasue this time I didn’t read the story till it got to me. I don’t reccomend this to anyone if we do this all again…it took to long to jump in and I appoligize, I just hope you like my addition before I leave it for Burnie. Have fun, and enjoy the ride!

 

He stepped from the plane into the crowded airport, the face of who he was seeking, fixed firmly in his mind. He had seen it numerous times, but knew, even if it had been revealed only once, it was a face he would never forget. How could he ever forget the face of the person responsible for the single most painful experience of his life? The devastation it had created was an event he would not allow himself to forget. He was driven to not only find her, but make her suffer the way he had. Ensure she experienced the total overwhelming feeling that had been his constant companion for more than 10 years. The hopelessness, anguish and feeling of loss, all of which kept him awake, or haunted his dreams, turning every night into a tortuous time to be dreaded, in every waking moment……. Constance sat in the study looking out over the garden. She loved to be in this room. It was just how she had imagined she would have her own room just for her writing, all those years ago. The garden was showing the first signs of spring approaching. There were new buds on all the plants and the winter chill had gone from the air today, so she had happily let Alison play outside. She was distracted from her writing while watching Alison play in the garden. The child had a wonderful imagination and Constance loved to watch her play. As the sun glistened on Alison’s hair and she poured tea for the teddy bears, Constance wondered how their lives would have turned out if she had made a different decision on that fateful day. For the first time in many years, she let her mind wonder to Alison’s father. Constance had not let herself think about him since that day. As she was thinking about him, she felt a shiver go up her spine and felt a sense of dread that she hadn’t experienced in a long time… Dermot ran his hand through his hair. He was still a ‘looker’ and he knew it. He felt the glances from women as he walked through the airport to the taxi stand. “Mmm, Nice eye candy.” he heard a woman mutter quietly to her friend. He smiled to himself. Nice eye candy indeed. Standing at almost 6ft tall, Dermot had thick, black, wavy hair with tinges of grey. While he was no body builder, he kept himself in good shape. It was his eyes that women loved the most though, his deep, sea blue eyes. Many a woman had gazed into those eyes and fallen prey to his charms. Many a woman had known what it was like to be loved and tossed aside like a broken toy when he had had enough. Dermot hadn’t always been like that, a cruel, hard hearted bastard. There was a time when he loved freely and unashamedly, trusted implicitly. That was before Con…. Dermot shook his head. There was no time for that. He hailed a cab, and when it pulled up, threw his overnight bag in the back and got in. “Where to?” the cab driver asked. Dermot paused. What now? He had waited for this for 10 years, plotted, planned, changed his mind over and over, never letting the flame of revenge die in his heart. He was here now. It was time. Yes, where to? He directed the driver to his hotel resisting the impulse to rush the confrontation that he knew was to come, remembering the events that led up to that fateful night that changed all their lives forever. His mind drifted back in time as he remembered her despair that her husband was slowly drinking himself to death, her grief for the marriage and life that she would never now have. He remembered pulling her close initially to try to calm her weeping but later, oh later………. of holding her closer, much closer than a brother in law should as they sought to affirm the life that they both should have been living . He remembered the gentleness of her fingers as they explored his muscles, the softness of her silky smooth skin, how she shivered when he kissed her neck, how her body arched beneath his as they took what each needed from the other. It was the most incredible night he had ever known, he’d never found that kind of satisfaction with another woman since. She’d ruined him for anyone else and he’d never trusted another women again after what she did. Falling in love with his brother’s wife was bad enough and he had hated himself for it but for her to tell James while he was still so vulnerable…….. The bitch killed him! She shouldn’t have told him, she should have stayed silent and forgotten about that night, that one night that they had turned to each other for comfort after taking James to rehab. If only she hadn’t told him he would never have been drunk at the wheel that night and had a chance of maintaining control of the car on the snow covered mountain road. She killed James and then she vanished! He’d been looking for her this whole time. It was time someone held her accountable Constance sat with a vague sense of unease, watching her daughter. She was struck by the need to go out and grab that beautiful child and run. She could not put her finger on the reason, but the fear began to grow in her. She hadn’t felt this in years. ‘Not since…..No, I will not let my mind go there…it was long ago and I am past it now,’ she thought. But her mind continued to wander, down, deeper into her memories. All she could remember was the heart shattering loss, feeling like she was spiraling deep into nothingness, emptiness and like her heart had been cut from her. The sound of the telephone cut through the silence like a chain saw, but Constance was locked deep in her mind, and could not reach out for the phone. At the same time Allison heard the phone ringing from outside and came running into the house. Mommy had just started allowing her to answer the phone on occasion, and if it was still ringing …….she ran to the phone, stopping short when she saw her mom sitting there. “Mommy, Mommy are you ok?” shouted Allison. The crystal glass shattered against the terrazzo tiles, shocking Constance back into reality. He was behind Allison, close enough to touch her. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes that made her drown in a pool of lust and passion were staring at her daughter. His long fingers were about to touch her hair. Constance was chained to her chair in fright. She knew why he was here. He was here to take away the one thing that was good and beautiful in the world – he was here for Allison. Her mind was in turmoil, her thoughts a myriad of confusion. How could she love a man that had vowed to make her suffer? How could she still feel that warm rush of ecstasy at the thought of him touching her, when she knew he was on a mission to destroy her. He smiled at Allison; that familiar smile he would deliver to her all those years ago. Constance died inside when she heard his voice. The pain cut through her heart when she heard him say, “Hello, Allison. I have waited a long time to see you. I am your father” Allison’s large green eyes regarded the tall stranger with distrust. “What’s your name?” she asked. “Dermott McDawg,” he replied, a smile so oily it could have dressed salad. “Kermit the Frog?” Allison smirked. “Mummy, what is he doing here? I have a twitter date and I’m going to be late. You told me I never had to meet him. You told me he eats small children for lunch.” Constance gasped and looked truly surprised and shrugged at Dermott. “I really didn’t…Allison, this is your…” “Oh knock it off, Mummy – we both know this is the bastard that slept with you and caused me to kill myself on that lonely mountain road.” Allison leveled a rather scary gaze at Dermott. “If it weren’t for you I would still be a virile man sleeping with my hot wife and making babies of our own, instead of having to come back as your love child conducting fake tea parties on the lawn with teddy bears.” Dermot was speechless, all his plans of vengence fading quickly and being replaced with a sense of fear. “Well, ah, Allison dear…” “Don’t you dear, me, you rat-bastard waste of space wanker!” Allison stamped her foot and pulled a can of pepper spray from her pretty pink pinafore. Psst. “Take that you lowlife, treacherous wife fucker!” “My eyes! My eyes!” Dermott cried rubbing them with his fists. He could not see a thing but he felt a sudden chill of fear race his spine when…. He realized that all the years of seeking divine retribution was suddenly regurgitated on his lap. He was the one that caused his brother’s death. He was the one that by one night of pure unadulterated lust pushed his drunken bum of a brother over the edge. And that is when he realized the truth. His brother, James, was a fucking douchebag. What gave him the right to come back as the child of his night of passion. As he thought about Constance breast feeding this evil spawn from hell, rage filled his soul. Those perfect breasts should have been mine for the suckling. Even though he could not see the fiend that had sprayed him, he could hear her breathing and he could smell her rancid tea breath. Dermot jumped and grabbed the demon spawn by the throat. Then he heard the distinctive sound of a shell being pumped into a twelve gauge shotgun. He knew that Constance would shoot. But who? The man that she loved and had been robbed of by her drunken bum of a husband or the demon spawn that had stolen the life that belonged to her child?

Dermot knew that he had no chance of changing anbody’s mind with tricks or lies in the next few crutial moments. Honesty would be the only way out of this predicament. Blindly he opened his arm to where he presumed that Constance was. With all the pent up anger and frustration comming to the surface, as well as the pepper spray in his eyes, he started to cry. “Baby,” he started towards her, “if I can’t be with you, well then I would rather die. Living without you after that beautiful night we shared, I can hold no other woman and not long for your body.” he patentily waited for some type of sign, but when nothing presented itself  he saw no danger in continuing recalling for his brother all the expliced details of that night of passion.

Constance was torn, for the fear she had dealt with for 10 years of Dermot finding them was still real. She had run for so long, and she was tired of running, and she was tired of never being able to love another man the way she had him. Not to mention she could never bring a man around Alison, they all reacted to her the same way…


California…and home again.

Oh, I love to be on vacation and boy howdy do I wish I could go back!

We got home from our little excursion to Plymouth, CA  on Tuesday. Before I tell ya what we came home to I’ll show ya just how much fun we had.

leaving Lake Point

leaving Lake Point

As we traveled across I-80 I had to snap a photo of the desert and my mountains…Just in case I got a little home sick

Salt Flats

Salt Flats

 

We stayed the night in Reno/Sparks, NV at a little truck stop and casino, and I had the worst night of sleep possible. You can’t believe all the noise at a truck stop in the middle of the night. The next morning, in a mad rush to beat the weather we headed over Donner’s to California, this is the weather we were trying so hard to avoid, seeings that no one had tire chains that were mandatory…oops

I thought California would be a little warmer than this

I thought California would be a little warmer than this

 

Lucky for us, we snuck threw and made it ok to Sacramento. A

As we made our way to a fellow truck club members shop, we saw that crazy little car in the post just below this one…who knew!

We had a great lunch and spent a little time in town, browsing and seeing the sights.

The big guy...at Redi-gro, seeing all the trucks.

The big guy...at Redi-gro, seeing all the trucks.

 

Then we made our way to Plymouth, CA. It was such a beautiful drive…

Green grass and rolling hills.

Green grass and rolling hills.

We hit the truck show and that is where I left the big guy with all his friends, I don’t think he even missed me he had so much bull shitting to do.

overview of the Kirkland Ranch & Truck Show.

overview of the Kirkland Ranch & Truck Show.

I had to escape and check out the wine tasting…

this one was the most fun...

this one was the most fun...

We spent all day Saturday driving around county visiting about 20 different tasting rooms at the vineyards. Good thing that I took a few photos, because by the end of the day, I really wouldn’t have  remembered how beautiful it was.

img_1359

img_1369

And do you know how sad I was to hear that I can’t bring wine back across the state line? umm…legally. ;)

We had to set out and leave on Sunday, but we took I-50 back around to Nevada and took in some great views around Lake Tahoe. I wish I could have had a little more time to take photos there, but we did get a great shot at the summit with most of the gang.

the gang

the gang

 

And that is about where all the fun ended, at least as far as the photos go.

When we got home and started to unpack, we thought that the house smelt a little funny…I thought it was just stuffy and opened some windows. But when I went to the basement to start a load of laundry we realized that while we had been out, we had got flooded.

The sewer had backed up and came in threw a floor drain and got shit water everywhere in the basement.

The big guy has had to take 2 more days off of work to get things cleaned and get new carpet ordered etc. I have yet to start any type of laundry and we are wore out! I can’t believe the damage that standing water can do. All of my scrapbooks & genealogy and my craft room got the worst of it. The TV room, luckily, only needs the carpet replaced. But it’s quite a lot of work. I’m just so glad that it was nothing worse.


We can do it together…stamp out breast cancer!

October is breast cancer awareness month, as we all know. But I bet, ladies, you haven’t went and had your yearly exam. Don’t give me any excuses…there is no reason not to get checked.

Go to your doctor…get and exam. Did you know that if you don’t have the financial means to get your exam, there is help available.  The CDC offers a free or low cost screening for breast and cervical cancer, most available in your own community. If this still is not going to inspire you to get your self checked…may I sugest  at least a self examination… the Susan G. Komen fountation recommends checking with your doctor, but wants everyone to be aware of any changes. I like to do a self check quite regularly, but it’s for totally different reasons than what is suggested by my physician; we won’t get in to that here though. I’m not going to speak for all men, because there are a few strange ones out there, but for the most part, any random guy on the street would give them a quick squeeze and let ya know how they feel to him. In fact, truth be known, I can think of a few fellow bloggers that would love to set up shop and squeeze boobs all day, probably for free.  Yah, you know who they are.

And Men…prostate exams are just as important as our breast exams.

And Men…prostate exams are just as important as our breast exams.

Really though…this is a seriously nasty cancer that takes the woman we love and puts them threw Hell.  Get checked…and invite the woman in your life to get their exams as well. Also don’t forget, if you can, help out the American Cancer Society to raise money to fund lifesaving research and support programs to help fight breast cancer. My dear friend is walking next Saturday, October 11, right here in Utah. Making strides against breast cancer…if you would like to help her meet her goal this is a link to her site. I’m so proud of her.


When did Catholics stop being Christians?

 I received an E-mail (see below) from a friend the other day about a film that has not even been released that the Catholic League is already boycotting. Having an interest in the movie from a teaser seen previously, I was intrigued why the uproar. It looked as if the movie (from representation from the e-mail) is a blatant attempt to shun the Catholic Church and promote Atheism in children. My curiosity took me all over the Internet in an attempt to find the truth about the book, author, and the new movie that is set to release in December 2007.

From my efforts I have found that…

Yes, the author of the book doesn’t have a set belief in God, as seen in a response to the question on his web site

His Dark Materials seems to be against organised religion. Do you believe in God?

I don’t know whether there’s a God or not. Nobody does, no matter what they say. I think it’s perfectly possible to explain how the universe came about without bringing God into it, but I don’t know everything, and there may well be a God somewhere, hiding away.”

Yes, the movie will be a watered down version of the book.

And yes, this is a work of fiction!

Now given this information I have come to the conclusion that I will still see the movie and, if I like it, will probably be swayed to purchase all the books in the series. Why? Because I have found that in my past experiences that I can enjoy works regardless of the creators beliefs. Take for instance a few examples… 

            Billy Joel

            George Bernard Shaw

            George Carlin

            Katharine Hepburn

            Sigmund Freud

            Sir Ian McKellen

            Gene Wilder

Each and every one of these people has influenced people’s lives in someway. Thomas the Tank Engine and Willy Wonka are loved and adored despite the actors who represent them. And what makes this children’s show any more in the wrong than some of the  horror films that flat out display Satanic worship and crude scenes. People watch these and express that it’s just a thrill to watch, it won’t effect my religious beliefs. Don’t get me wrong, I may not believe in the same things as these people, but my religious beliefs allow me to still be Christian and not judge them by their beliefs.

I’m also very sure that even though I don’t have children now, I hope to be able to give them the opportunity to decide what they believe in for themselves. I’m certain that I’ll be bias and give my opinion freely and repeatedly, but ultimately the choice is theirs to have.

This is the E-mail… 

Subject: Movie alert!

You   may already know about this kids movie coming out in December starring Nicole   Kidman. It’s called The Golden Compass, and while it will be a watered down  version, it is based on a series of children’s books about killing God (It is the anti-Narnia). Please follow this link and then pass it on. From what I   understand, the hope is to get a lot of kids to see the movie – which won’t   seem too bad – and then get the parents to buy the books for their kids for   Christmas. The quotes from the author sum it all up. I hope it totally bombs   because we were all paying attention!

http://snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp


My best friend…

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered
dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.

He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the
road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken
by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it
he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and
the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog
walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one
side.

When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”

“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.

“Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked.

“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.”

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveler asked.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued
the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the
top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm
gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he
approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and
reading a book.

“Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”

“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”

“How about my friend here?” the traveller gestured to the dog.

“There should be a bowl by the pump.”

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and
took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were
full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

“What do you call this place?” the traveller asked.

“This is Heaven,” he answered.

“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveller said. “The man down the road said
that was Heaven, too.”

“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s
hell.”

“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”

“No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their
best friends behind.”


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